Please Say There's No Regrets, And Say You Won't Forget.





My school's guitar concert was yesterday evening. We totally rocked the whole house. :)
Partout Dans Le Monde, Aurora XV.
As part of the junior ensemble, I played To Zarnakand and Sakura with my ensemble mates.
The senior ensemble were awesome. A night to remember.
Can't wait for next year's concert.
How do you like my new rabbit pencil case? :) I love it.
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The only person I want to be, is a person better than who I was yesterday.
I have flaws. And I want to be a better person.

I learnt not to have expectations for the people around me, because it means I won't get hurt when they let me down. Too many times, I've faced disappointment from the people I love.
How many times can a heart possibly break?

I'm In Love With You.




Thinking back on old memories. Of me and him. I miss those days. Simple, but blissful. I miss the old him, who loved me more than anything else in this world. Who treated me like his everything.
I can't say the same for the current him. You could say, he's just not him anymore. But somehow, I still see glimpses of the boy I love, somewhere inside those eyes. Lost, confused, but still there.
I've been in love with you the past two years.
And even though our story has changed so drastically, I'm still in love with you. Tell me, is that even right?
I miss you when you're not here. I love you more everyday.
And I'm still trying to make amends for my mistakes. Still hoping the boy I love would someday come back.
Even if you'd stay this way forever, without any emotion, without a care about anything else, I would still love you.
The reason, I can't find.
Do you ever really get over your first heartbreak?
Your first love.
My first love.

Boy, you've no idea what you've done to my heart. I love you. More than you'll ever know. There's no way I can make amends for my mistakes. All I can do is love you right from now on, and be everything you need. I don't want to lose you ever again.

And You're Gone. Again.



He's gone once again. And honestly, I don't know what I should be feeling in my heart. I should have expected this. Him to leave all over again. But you know what? It hurts because I expected it to go on forever. Because I thought he would never leave again.
He says, he can't love. That the thought of love, disgusts him.
But I know you truly loved me once. Is that why my heart still won't let you go?
He's like the wind. You can't catch the wind. You can't tie it down. All you do is appreciate it when its around, and accept the fact when it leaves again.
The cycle never ends.
Happiness, was the only thing I ever wanted for you. Do you remember 4th October 2009?
Your heart, was once mine to keep. But now, I can't tame it anymore. Your heart. It's desire for freedom.
I don't know, what you mean when you tell me you love me anymore. But I know, that when you first told me you love me, you meant the words.
So go free, my love. Find what you desire. Make a mark in this world.
When you're lost and alone, there's always a place back here for you to come home to. There's always a place in my heart, for you. Wherever you are, whoever you've become, I'll still love you. For now. For ever. Remember me.

Everlasting Love.









School is hectic. Everything is in full swing right now, and tutorials are piling up, lecture tests are hitting me all at once. Its the same for everyone else.
So this is what JC life is actually. Busy, busy, busy. And not to mention, the stress. Secondary four was nothing compared to this. In fact, O levels were nothing when i compare it to what i'm facing now.
I'm so mentally exhausted. Its like, I just hit my bed and fall asleep immediately every night.
Sometimes my mind doesn't even work right.
PW is killing me. I hope my second PI draft doesn't get rejected again. I've run out of ideas. :/
But i'm glad to have D by my side. We're just any other couple. Even though we don't get to meet much because of our busy schedule. But i'm trying my hardest, and i really want us to make it through the next one and a half years. After that we'll be free to be together always.
Because fate brought you to me. I don't want to let you go.
You matter to me.
Come on Michelle. Persevere. Its only going to get even harder from here. Term 3 will be worse. I just hope for the best in the coming June Common Tests.

Just stay with me. We'll make it through, my love.

Remember When.

Went over to D's yesterday. Enjoyed the time spent with him, as always.
My guard is down. My heart is wide open. I'm vulnerable. But i want to love. He makes me feel happy.
And i'm so proud of myself because i've finally finished the two most difficult Chemistry questions i've been stuck at for the past one week.
Going to Popular to buy A Levels TYS later on.
And i'm gonna buy a new bag on Tuesday after school. So excited. Heh. :)
I like pretty notebooks.

The walls around my heart are all down now. I want to love him to my fullest. Even if i end up getting hurt again, i know i tried. I love him.

I Miss You. More Than You'll Ever Know.

School is hectic. Literally. And i've never felt so stressed in my whole life before. Tutorials undone, lecture notes unread. I feel like banging my head on the wall. As if that solves the problem. :/
I miss him alot. Was looking forward to seeing him after school today, but he couldn't make it at the last minute.
The disappointment is kind of overwhelming. You don't know how much I long to see you.
I kinda just snapped in school after failing my chemistry test. I had the sudden strong urge to study. I am going to study really hard from now on. I must not slack.
I feel so stupid suddenly, when in secondary four i was the smartest in class. What a big difference. I can't let this continue.
I have to be the best.
Define best.
You know that feeling when someone deletes you off his/her facebook friends list for no reason?
It made me feel sad. And i kept wondering what i did to make that person do that.
But whatever.
I feel like i'm going through one of the darkest, periods of my life. That period when you feel all alone, and there's no one around to help.
I miss him. I just want to hug him. And just stay that way forever.
I feel like crying. Too overwhelmed by all the stuffs going on.

She yearns for happiness.

Sweetly Attached All Over Again.

Yes, as u can see from my About Me, i'm attached to him again. The same guy right from the start, never changed.
Its amazing, how we broke up for more than a month, and now we're back together again. People would say its coincidence, but i'd like to say its fate.
These little things make me feel like we're meant for each other.
I'm not hoping for much right now. To be honest, i'm still afraid of being abandoned again.
I'm just taking things as they come. And keeping myself prepared. For the worst.
But its never changed. My feelings for him. I still love him like before.
I don't need promises. Prove it through your actions.

Dear Diary, he came back into my life.

I'm hurting so bad inside but outside i'm telling them i'm fine.
What can someone possibly feel when they know the person they love hates them?
How stupid can i get to still love, still care at this point?
Yes i love him to the extent that i'd still care for him even if he hates me more than anything else in this world. Wow. What a fool.
When i walked away today, i knew i was throwing away every chance left. So why do i still love?
And he's made it clear.
What am i still waiting for? You to come back and tell me, everything's fine?
I just can't believe two people who used to be each other's world can just end up like strangers.
I remember the way you held me close.
The first time we kissed.
I remember how you wiped away my tears.
And made me feel so secure.
I remember the first love letter you wrote to me, every single word.
I remember our first date.
I remember 4th October 2009, 10.28pm. "Will u be my girlfriend?"
I remember the first time you hugged me. 10th October 2009.
I remember the way you fussed over me.
I remember you standing up for me.
I remember you walking me to school and home everyday.
I remember the first card i wrote for you. I spent hours decorating it.
I remember your promise to marry me ten years down the road.
I remember our first movie, Imagine That.
I remember your long phone calls to me, never wanting to put down the phone.
I remember the story of us.
Do you?

I Walked Away When Inside My Heart Screamed I Need You.

I did it. I met him for lunch today. It was, good to see him again. After so long. But i didn't like the awkward silence that never used to exist. At least not between us. We were once, so close. Its hard to believe how much things change.
You held my hand for the first time in a long while. And inside, i wanted to tell you not to let go ever again. But i let go first. And walked away. When i turned around, you had already gone away. Did you hear my heart shattering?
I saw it in you. The child-like, silly boy i used to know. The same boy i love. The boy who smiled as soon as he saw me, who talked about endless things with me. But somehow, its not the same anymore.
You've changed.
When i look into your eyes, i see coldness. Icy, blank eyes. Eyes i don't know at all. I searched for the smile i love most. I couldn't find it.
And sitting there staring at you, i couldn't see the boy i love. It was someone almost completely different.
Where did the boy i love go?
Thats the reason why, i still walked away in the end.
And i know, i might never get another chance to see you again after today. When i walked away, i knew that would destroy every hope, every chance left for us.
But it was what my heart told me to do.
Because you aren't the boy i love so dearly. The boy i miss so much.

I watched you walk away. Every step. Until i could see you no more. I heard a heart shattering. I was brave enough to walk away from you. But you have no idea, the pain i felt to push your hand away first. I know i can't give you happiness anymore. Do you remember you once told me, i was your source of happiness? I love you so much. But i'm sorry i can't make you happy anymore. I love your smile the most. Smile for me once more, before you disappear.

I Am Just A Girl.

Someone make up my mind for me.
I have this feeling deep inside. That i'm not strong enough to see him in person.
That i'll end up collapsing all over again. And i tried so hard.
Do not show your weakness.
Because people will just look down on you and say, i told you so. So what if i just like being made a fool of?
At least when i love, i give my all. You may think that isn't enough, but what i gave was my everything.
People judge when they have no right to.
When it all comes crashing down, they don't hear a heart shattering.

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