Saturday.Gone.
Today isn't exactly the best day of my life.
Went to the hospital to see Grandma today morning again.And she went for dialysis.And i didn't dare to go in the dialysis room.I was scared of seeing the blood transfusion.
Then Li Ying's cello practice.I think it was okay.Two more practices before her exam.Then the project at my house.It was going well at first.
But i got really really pissed off at the end of it.Can u imagine a whole bunch of people at ur house, and they start laughing like crazy, and its so god damn loud and ur whole family is at home?
Okay i got really pissed off.And then after they went home, my mom came back from T Mart.And i got scolded for THEIR behaviour.Mommy gave me this black face and told me the next time, ask my friends to lower their volume.Is it MY fault now?
Okay whatever.I'll forget about it tomorrow morning.
ZZZ.
Tomorrow watching Transformers 2.YAY.And Rashid watched already WTH.
And i'm supposed to cut my hair today.But i was in a bad mood so i didn't cut.ZZZ.Cutting tmr.RARW.
New timetable.Okay not really new, they only changed some things.And i hope Ms Tia is still our Chemistry teacher.Shes a great teacher!
And i hope we get a good teacher for Geography.SIAN.
Went to Daniel's house just now after i got scolded by Mommy.SUPER BAD MOOD.And i started munching and munching on potato chips.ZZZ.

TWO MORE DAYS BEFORE SCHOOL REOPENS.
Suddenly its the end of the June holidays.LOL.Time flies.Had dinner with Liting at TM Mac yesterday.Thanks for accompanying me!Haha.And turns out Derrick went as well.And he said he was standing right in front of us, but somehow i didn't see him.Need to go and get my eyes checked.LOL.
So tmr is pretty much gone as well.Li Ying's cello practice, then doing the Maths project thing, and POOF, my whole day is gone just like that.And i'm cutting my hair tmr after the project.Haha.
Then Sunday go watch Transformers:Revenge of the Fallen with my family.Provided Daddy's okay already.Haha.
So.School reopens Monday.From Monday onwards, i may start going crazy again.So i'm saying sorry in advance to some people, especially Liting and Janet.I may just start to menopause again when the new semester starts, and i may be in a bad mood often.I can't help it either alright?So yeah, better say sorry in advance first while i'm still in a good mood.
I don't know what else to blog about.LOL.
And after the school reopens, i probably won't be blogging much anymore.Except maybe every Sat.If i'm busy, maybe not at all.I got to study much much harder.Okay i've been saying that all the time.
But i'm seriously freaking out.Because i'm so god damn nervous that i will fall back in the first few weeks of school.So i have to catch up. ._.
Studied Chemistry yesterday.And i suddenly realised its quite easy to memorize the solubility table.LOL.So.Chemistry test, i'm ready! Haha.
And Virtual Families is finally out for the I Phone and Ipod Touch!!! AHHHHH! I waited the whole of June for it to be released on the Apple App Store.But now i'm stuck in another dilema.I can either buy Virtual Families, or Tarot Pro.GOSH.
I don't think Mommy would let me throw away 10 dollars on two games. ._.
How?I'm indecisive.But i really really really want Virtual Families.Waited so long for it to be approved and released.SIAN.

Today is Thursday.Tomorrow is Friday.School reopens next Monday. ._.
I'm skipping piano lesson again today.CHEERS to me. =.= But then, i have to pretend to be at piano lesson again, so i'm having dinner with Li Ting.Actually Derrick was coming too, but somehow Li Ting didn't want to go if Derrick was going.And i don't know why. ._. I mean, the three of us went to watch Drag Me To Hell together also right?
School reopens next Monday.And i haven't studied for the Chemistry test.And i suddenly rmbered theres a whole solubility table must memorize.WTH.
Tina decided not to cut her hair.Like ZOMG.So i'm cutting by myself probably tmr.
Last semester.4 more months to go.Once school reopens, i'm going to study very very hard.Can't afford to fall back at this point.
._. And this certain someone has been daoing me for one whole day.Okay maybe more like one whole night. =.=
SIAN.
And i fell asleep at around 12am last night.And i woke up at 4am.Started staring at the ceiling.
And i suddenly realised something.
When i thought of Fiqal, i didn't feel anything anymore.Nothing at all.
I used to miss him alot, and whenever i thought of him, this, this feeling of loneliness just starts setting in.
BUT I DIDN'T FEEL A SINGLE THING LAST NIGHT.
Is that abnormal? Okay i don't think its abnormal.Everything fades with time, and u know what Fiqal? My feelings have faded with time as well.
I mean, for the past 3 years, we have had almost no contact at all.It was always me, staying in my room, hearing u in the corridor, or u, staying in your room, listening to me with Abang and the rest in the corridor.
But, i don't, i don't feel anything anymore now Fiqal.And even when i think of all the things u used to do to make me laugh, it all seems like a distant past now.
OH GOD.
Maybe u felt this way a long time ago already.Maybe it was just me who was holding on so stupidly.I always used to believe one day things would just go back to being how they used to be.But i've grown up Fiqal.I'm not that little girl anymore.
I don't believe in fairytales, i don't believe in happily ever afters, i don't believe in miracles.Not anymore.
And i know i'm not the Sun now.Nobody needs me to survive.The world doesn't revolve around me, and i should start making my own decisions.
I've grown up Shafiqal Al Shamirah Bin Jusri.I'm tired of waiting.
U know i used to wait for the day u would come back into my life, the day u would knock on my house door and ask me to go and play.
And i waited.And waited.And waited.One day.Two days.A month.Two months.
I waited for 3 years Fiqal.
I don't want to wait anymore.Because i know u're not coming.

And YET another bomb.Daddy went to see the doctor just now, and the doctor says he has to quarantine himself. ._. So Daddy can only stay in the study room now.And my piano is inside.Which means, POOF, there goes piano practising time.GREAT.Just great.How the hell am i going to practise for Li Ying's exam?How am i going to practise for MY exam?
I don't know how i'm feeling right now.And u know, my mind isn't in quite the right state.Suddenly it seems as though my life is breaking up.Piece.By.Piece.
And its flying all over the place.Everything is happening together.Grandma critically ill in the hospital, Daddy has to quarantine himself, and then the family dispute thing between my uncles and aunties.I don't know how i should be feeling.
And school is reopening next Monday.And then theres the chemistry test.
I don't know what to think.I feel like a zombie again.A zombie doesn't have feelings. ._.
My life is breaking up.BREAKING UP.I need someone to pull me back to reality.I feel as though i'm just going to float away together with all the little pieces of my life.
Maybe its good that school's reopening next Mon.Then everything will be back to normal.Will it? Okay nvm.
At least i will FEEL normal.And then i'll just study and study and study and not think about anything else.
I'm so confused.And i'm cutting my hair with Tina later on. ._. Its OKAY Mich.Your hair will grow back right? -.-

Yet another bomb dropped on me.
Aunty Audrey called ytd saying that grandma was in hospital and she was in critical condition.She told me to tell Daddy and Mommy to take us to the hospital because grandma wanted to see us.
And Daddy knew already because Uncle Vincent had called him.And when we went to the hospital, i didn't know who it was lying in the bed there.
My whole family, including all my uncles and aunties have fallen out about a year ago because of some family disputes.And I didn't even get to go to grandma's house this year during CNY.
All i rmb of her is that shes a plump old lady, always healthy, always joking.But yet the person i saw lying on the hospital bed was so weak, so skinny, and there were tubes inserted into her nose, her hands.
Daddy seemed shocked as well.And he was trying to soothe her and all that.Its like grandma had returned to her childhood stage.
And the worse thing is that, grandma couldn't even recognize me.When i stood there, she was staring at me with the eyes of a stranger.And when mommy told her who i was, grandma was still staring at me as if trying to rmb who the hell i was.
My own grandmother doesn't even recognize me!!
But how can i hold it against her?She was so god damn weak, i think she couldn't even sit up straight.The doctor said she hadn't been eating and they had to put her on the glucose drip, and she hadn't been sleeping well.
I could see she was so tired, but somehow, she just couldn't sleep.
I was so afraid.Sitting there in the hospital ward.I was so afraid she would just fall asleep and then never wake up again.
And my aunties were all just sitting there in the ward without a word.
I started thinking about how things were when i was a small girl.It didn't use to be like that.My aunties doted on me and my sister.And during CNY, we would always go to my Aunty Catherine's house and everybody would be there.It was so blissful in fact.And at that time, i didn't know what blissful meant.
Now, all my aunties and uncles are avoiding each other, just because of some stupid financial issues, they're all falling out with one another.
I really don't understand why.They're all siblings aren't they?What could actually be more important than kinship?
I have so many uncles, so many aunties, so many grown up cousins, but i feel like i have none now.And then my little niece, i haven't even seen her before.
Whatever it is, i really wish my grandma pulls through.I haven't lost anyone related to me before, and i don't want to.

Today is Sunday.
SIAN.I haven't started memorising the guzheng songs.And i don't even know how to play yet.ZOMG.Only the first two.
Nvm.Tmr then chiong memorise.As for playing, go school then practise.Daddy sleeps all throughout the day and only wakes up to go to work at night.How to practise. ._.
And i'm going to cut my hair with Tina one of these days.Oh well.Have to say goodbye to my beloved hair.But its seriously getting hotter and hotter.And long hair makes me perspire more easily.Can't stand the heat.So.Bye bye my beloved hair.
And i still haven't do the Chemistry topic 11 worksheet.Don't even know if its uploaded or what already anot.And then theres the Maths project.Migod we haven't even met up to discuss how and what to do.And we only have one more week left.
Omigod and MgLiRaP outing!!Okay we must have it by the end of next Sunday.MUST!!!
Its the last outing i'm going to.After that when school reopens i'm not going out anymore.I'm seriously going to study very very hard.THATS MY SCHOOL HOLIDAY RESOLUTION. =.=
I just have to work to my HARDEST for the next 4 months.Then its the end of year holidays.BIG BREAK.
So.For the next 4 months, GO MICHELLE!
Next Sunday watching Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen with my family.AHHHHH i'm super duper looking forward to it!!I keep watching and rewatching the trailer on YouTube. =.=
SIAN.Tomorrow is Monday.Another day for me to daydream away.I think my life has become so meaningless during the holidays.
And thats why i'm looking forward to school reopening now.Because at least then i'll have a goal.That is to study very very hard and maintain my standard for both CA2 and the End Of Year exam.
Slacked in the void deck with Daniel, Abang, Kakak and Abang Khalid today.And it was just so SUNDAY.Lazy Sunday afternoon.And the HEAT.It practically kills.
And then Syahira appeared out of nowhere.With Ara.I like to call them the "evil duo" because they always appear together.And they start talking a whole load of crap.I know Syahira's still angry with me about the Daniel part.NOT MY FAULT.I don't care.
And then she suddenly started talking about Fiqal.And i just made the decision to treat him as non existent. ._. Until she started saying that I would never be with Fiqal because I'm just a B**** who stole Daniel from her. WTH?
Okay thats called going too far.And Daniel started arguing with her.Then it got all kind of chaotic because Ara started arguing with Abang and Abang Khalid too.
And in the end i walked off with Kakak.Because it got really noisy.And too much noise gives me headaches.
I hate you Syahira. ._.

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