Back from TM with Mommy and sister.
Damn its super crowded there.Its like everyone's doing last minute Christmas shopping.Super chaotic.
I hate crowds. ):
Anyway.I threw another tantrum at XXX person again in the morning.Sometimes i hate myself.I think i should seriously stop using FB.Its the cause of my depressed feelings.
I feel guilty.For making him upset all the time.Its been like that for almost a whole month now.I don't want to make him unhappy all the time.Don't wanna argue with him.
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Bought a Hang Ten top for $53 damnit. I'm splurging on clothes!! Super pissed with myself.But like i can't help it. ):
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Thank you for always being so patient with me.Its like, no matter how many tantrums i throw at u, u'll always put up with them. I don't think i could find another you. I'm sorry for all the unhappiness i caused. I promise i'll change. I thought a lot today. And i realised i'm the cause of all the arguements. I'll grow up. Be more mature. And keep this relationship going.

Hyperness going up again.
Okay i have NO IDEA why my previous post was so depressing.Or rather, no idea why i was so depressed yesterday.Been having mood swings, guess it was just one of them.
I realised my mood swings all start when XXX person goes for work. ):
I'm alone and then i start imagining things.And then tadaa, my mood swings go out of control.
But anyway, i'm over the depressed feelings today.For now at least. ._.
Today is Saturday again!
But oh damn.Two more weeks left to enjoy the holidays.
And i have to revise all the chapters we learnt this year during the last week.One subject per day. Sadd
Theres 5 more days to getting my surprise from XXX person!!So excited!! hahaha
And theres class BBQ on 22nd December? Don't think i'm going.
Going to watch Avatar with my family tmr. Yayy.
And my iPod is spoilt. Argh. It was burning yesterday morning. Wanted to play games on it, and then i couldn't turn it on. And it was BURNING.Felt really hot.
So there goes $498?
Gotta send it for repairs soon.Gonna get a scolding. ):
I hope its not beyond repair yet. Something was burning inside.
And renovation is still going on in the house next door and the house upstairs.Damn. Non stop drilling and hammering. Its driving me insane. Like a bad headache that doesn't go away.
Haven't planned the game for next year's OLE. Oh whatever. I've never liked planning activities. AND they didn't tell us we were supposed to plan the game if we became station master. DAMN. So too late to back out. And Yee Ting is still overseas enjoying herself. =.=
Theres still Chap 11 of E Maths TYS and Chap 8 of A Maths TYS left to do. And both involve drawing graphs. Thats why they are left for the last. I don't like drawing graphs. ):

I feel so f*cking depressed. Everything in my life isn't going right.
And you know what? All i feel like doing right now is to go and die.
I don't have a single person to turn to.
I've been feeling like this for like the past few weeks?
I don't know why i'm hesitating.
If i'm hurting so badly, why not just end it?
Maybe i might even be happier.
Do u even care about whether i live or die?
I really need someone who will listen.
Someone who won't tell me crap and just listen.
Because keeping it all inside my heart is making me suffocate.

Living in a whirlpool.
Happy belated birthday sister! Her birthday was yesterday. Lol* Anyways, cut the cake in the evening, then went out to Parkway Parade to eat ice cream at Swensens.
Daniel went to Malaysia in the morning.I was supposed to go with him.But changed my mind about going in the end.Sorry Daniel!
Slacked with Tina at the void deck yesterday.Went to collect my spectacles, then met her at T mart.Bought KFC and we went to the void deck to slack.Kinda fun.Talking about random stuff.Told her about XXX person, told her about my fears, how scared i am of next year.
I'm living in a whirlpool.I've been having a lot of mood swings lately.One minute i'm super hyper, the next minute i'm moody and throwing tantrums.
Don't understand myself at all.
And i've been thinking a lot.
I know i'm very sensitive, but i can't help it right? And sometimes i'm on the brink of telling him something that will hurt him a lot.And then my fingers keep moving from "Send" to "Delete".But in the end, i think about all the things we've been through and i tell myself not now.I can't end everything now.Because there's still so many things i want to do with him.So many reasons for me to hold on to this relationship.And i don't want to think about what other people say.It doesn't matter to me.
Because................................................................i love him.

Lala land.
Feeling better today.Not as depressed as yesterday. Lol* In the morning, met Atika at 10am at tmart bus stop to pass her the pure geo textbook.Yes, i bought the pure geo textbook by mistake.Blur queen.So i sold it to Atika.Thanks Atika! If not it would be rotting in my bookshelf.Then met XXX person and we went to TM to buy my sister's birthday present.I was planning to buy a Myuk wallet for her, but then the shop was like not open yet.Waited for some time and the shop still haven't open even though the sales girl was inside already.
In the end went to buy chocolates for my sister. XXX person paid! ^^
Went to the spectacle shop near my piano school yesterday evening.My dad has been nagging me to make a new set of spectacles.And amazingly the auntie at the spectacle shop still rmbs me!! I made my spectacles there 2 years ago. Lol* And she even rmbs i attend piano lessons at the music school opposite.
Need to go collect my spectacles tmr afternoon.
Anyway, took a facebook quiz "What is in your Heart", with the result: WORRY.So accurate.
You worry about life including money, future, potential problems and more. You have a hard time finding peace because there is so much that can go wrong. It's time to step back and breathe. You have to start trusting that everything will be ok. Trust God that He will bring you through because He will. Times will get hard but if you trust in Him, He will provide, it's when we take it in our own hands when it starts to bring trouble.
Yes i tend to worry a lot.Now i'm worrying about O levels next year.And then i'm even starting to worry about JC and University.
So...................STOP WORRYING MICH.
Take things easy.But i don't believe in God. ._.
Anyways, i saw Tina when coming home. Coincidental, no? Going out with her tmr after collecting my spectacles.
9 more days to getting my X-mas surprise from XXX person!! I'm so excited. Haaa

I feel so depressed.
So.....today is Monday again.Went out with my family last night.Reached home at 10pm.Very tired after that.
I've been feeling down these few days. I don't know why.Maybe because i'm starting to feel stressed.About next year.
I'm seriously getting very stressed up.I'm like so afraid of SPA and O levels.
I need someone to talk to.Someone i can tell everything to.
Thanks for always being there for me.I know i'm not perfect, so thank you for still loving me. But sometimes, i feel like breaking down when i think of what next year is gonna be like. Its time to see if we can stand the test of time. I really hope we do. Because i just know that this relationship was made to last.

Belle of the Boulevard-Dashboard Confessional
Down in a local bar
Out on the boulevard
The sound of an old guitar
Is saving you from sinking
It's a long way down
It's a long way

Back like you never broke
You tell a dirty joke
He touches your leg and thinks he's getting close
For now you let him just this once
Just for now
And just like that - it's over

[Chorus:]
Don't turn away
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Don't be afraid
Keep it all inside, all inside
When you fall apart
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Life is always hard for the belle of the boulevard

In all your silver rings
And all your silken things
That song you softly sing - is keeping you from breaking
It's a long way down
It's a long way
Back here you never loved
You've shaked the shivers off
You take a drink to get your courage up
Can you believe it
Just this once
Just for now
And just like that
It's over

[Chorus]

Please hold on - it's alright
Please hold on - it's alright
Please hold on

Down in a local bar
Out on the boulevard
The sound of an old guitar
Is saving you

[Chorus x2]

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